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Harmful Tips: How To Get Away With Coding

In our series of articles called ‘Harmful Tips’ we continue addressing issues for different parties of IT communication chain: from clients to developers; from project managers to designers. We highlight the most common mistakes we all make using reverse psychology: wrong is presented as right. A bit of humor and wealthy criticism can definitely improve our business environment.

This week’s article is devoted to some of the common mistakes developers make while communicating with clients and work environment.

Disclaimer: High level of irony and sarcasm detected. Be warned.

 

Tip #1

Need to rewrite page code for a small button? There’s a feature that requires adaptation for the website? Some tasks are just unbearably difficult to deal with. Some – weird enough to give up. So why bother trying? Extra efforts lead to nothing trouble. If your client’s project demands some ‘out of the box’ solutions – just tell him it’s impossible. Let everyone know you’re too smart to go any extra mile.

Tip #2

Для того, чтобы кодить тебе хватит базового английского. Коллеги поймут и так, а для общения с заказчиком есть техлид. В конце концов, всегда можно перевести техническую документацию в гугл переводчике. Пусть и с ошибками. Главное – смысл. Ты же «технарь», тебе не положено изучать какие-то языки, кроме языков программирования. Английские интерфейсы, понимание терминологии – для этого хватит и интуиции. Если нет, то всегда можно попросить друга-филолога.

Tip #3

Work environment can be too competitive. Moreover, your colleagues sometimes seem to work in biorhythms too different from yours. Why would anyone else care how productive you are? Don’t follow anyone’s lead, stick to your own estimates. And for what it’s worth – don’t trust anyone. Don’t share your code as long as possible – let everyone know how autonomous you are. Your teammates should be aware of your genius. Be elusive, secretive.

Tip#4

Every now and then your CEO give a speech on how equally important every employee’s contribution is to the company. Yet it’s obvious that some employees’ contributions are more equal than others’. You know for sure that developers are definitely the core of any IT company. The Sun in company’s Solar system. Likewise, designers and managers are planets. No doubt, they make the whole system look much better. It’s the Sun that does the spin. Don’t hesitate to remind your teammates about this.

Tip #5

The main issue with estimates is their proximity. Looks like every client comes to you like you are foreteller. Yet, you are a sorcerer: your source code is your Holy Grail. How can you estimate the time for its completion? Yet, you have to. Here’s the trick. You, and you alone understand the whole complexity, your client will be overwhelmed with the whole scope of work. To calm him down, name a much shorter timeframe, and after you’re booked for the project – take your time, disregard the primary estimates. The client will eventually agree to your terms.

All illustrations: Marina Parhomenko

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